3.21.2011

Knee Deep in Bitches, Birthdays, Basketball and Beer...

Wow, long time no write. This working 40 hours a week thang (so not Old French Whore, oui?) is seriously cramping my writing style. Oh well, c'est la vie. Bitchez gotta buy shoes and lotto tickets, non?

The first full week of my new J-O-B was very exhausting and exhilarating, believe it or not. First I was thrown into the shallow end of the pool, and of course I emerged with nary a wet hair (on my head anyway) and then I was thrown into the deep end of the pool, and I emerged from that a little short of breath and completely soaked, but successful none-the-less. In any case, I didn't fucking drown, catch my drift? So then on Friday, my new boss (who thinks his truck-driver-style cussin' is all that. Wait 'til I get comfortable and go all reservation on his ass and start spewing some 'Shit My Uncle Joe and Uncle Dan Say' all over the place. He'll tremble, I'm quite certain.) throws me into the ocean. Without a life-vest. Just off the coast of Japan. I'm dog-paddling, pretty sure I'll survive, but I will probably require medical attention when it's all over.

Last Friday I had 23 years clean and sober. That was one hell of a St. Patrick's Day in 1988, let me tell you! No need to go strolling down that particular memory lane, but I drank my entire life's quota, and yours, well before I ever quit. Slow learner. I celebrated with a bunch of my sober friends at a local restaurant where they serve desserts as big as your head, and I had deux (2). Well, it was my 'birthday'.

Then on Saturday I and several other intrepid family members ventured over to my brother's house - the brother with 5 kids! No not Mormons. Just careless. Kidding!!! I kid. A lot. Aaaanyway, their youngest turned quatre (4) Saturday and she finally realized recently what that means. It means PRESENTS!!!! And CAKE!!!! And MORE PRESENTS!!!! This would not have been a problem but for their 6 year old. That child came out into the world kicking, screaming, biting, scratching, hitting, tasering, exploding, selling crack, dealing arms, smoking a cigarette and swearing. I SWEAR. She came out of her mom and yelled, "FUCK ALL A YOU MUTHER_FUCKERS!!!" I was there. As you might well imagine, a child like that has issues with other, smaller children getting gifts and attention one day a year. Well, on a good day over there it is pandemonium. This was not a good day. For the 6 year old. But there was good cake (thanks Polly!!!) and good weather and good food and good fun. Really. My 4 year old niece (Children are completely insane. All children. No exceptions) looked up at me after opening all her fabulous presents and said, "Aunt Kate, are we in heaven?" I said, "If this was heaven I'd be shoe shopping with Javier Bardem, kid." As usual, children look at me like I have trois (3) heads ( I only have deux (2)) and then walk away. Like I'm the crazy one.

The rest of that day/evening was a blur of NCAA basketball viewing, beer drinking (not by me, just some of, ok most of, the siblings, their spouses and our visiting cousins), and guitar jamming (there are some musical types in my clan). Of course I'm the designated driver. And of course the hard-drinkin' cousins all want to stay at my house. Why? Because I don't drink and my house is clean and tidy and sweet and comfortable, and they know I'll have to drive back to it eventually, and that way they won't get DUI's. It's good to be needed.

By the way...anyone else out there a little concerned about the sudden seeming silence of the media with regards to the impending complete and total nuclear meltdown happening in Japan??? Now it's all, Libya! Basketball! Charlie Sheen! Lindsay Lohan! Why aren't they talking that shit up? What are they hiding NOW??? I'm very concerned, not just because I live on the west coast and could conceivably be as irradiated as the produce at Safeway one day soon, but because, to paraphrase my fiend, er, friend D, Japan + Earthquake + Nuclear Core Meltdown = Godzilla. Every fucking time.

By the way, the 'Bitches' in the title refers to moi.

1 comment:

  1. I am a follower of your blog! I love it. Congrats on 23 years....so awesome....

    ReplyDelete